The pink is back

It only took 4 and a half hours today, but I have a lot of pink streaks in the bottom layer of my hair and very dark reddish brown in the rest of my hair.  I love it!


Before:






After:

Here it is all down:




Some pulled back so you can see the pink underneath:

Recharging the batteries

Although I'm not in school this semester, I have had a crazy week. Doctor's appointments, things to figure out, lots of laundry (who is wearing all these darn clothes?!?) and loads on my mind. I got my GRE study book, so I also have started that. My brain is on overload which I have learned is my biggest symptom of having an anxiety disorder. It feels like a ball in a pinball machine bouncing around from one stress to the other, trying to sort it all out. I feel kind of lost and overwhelmed.


So I am taking a "me day" today. While I am excited about making changes in my life, I am also stressed out about it too. So today I am just going to decompress. I got the house cleaned up already so I can just relax until it's time for the kids to come home from school. How often does that happen?


I got my hair cut this morning. I also made in appointment for 2 weeks from now to get it colored. I'm going to do a dark brown (or maybe black, I am trying to decide) all over color with hot pink chunks in the underneath of my hair. I am really excited about it.





I wish it would stop raining so I could get outside and get some exercise, but you can't control mother nature. So I'm going to paint my nails, read a book and just relax. Recharge my supply of mom patience and rest my brain a little.

The Autumn of Me

While we were on vacation, I made the decision to drop my classes for this semester and take some time off. It may turn out to be the whole school year because I won't be able to be admitted into an Anthro program before fall 2011 due to deadlines. But for now, I'm just focusing on this semester. I decided to take the time off because I am in a position for the first time in my life that offers me a unique opportunity...a chance to work on myself. I feel selfish typing it out. Because as a mother I shouldn't want that. I shouldn't need that, right? But I do.

Our family has been through some pretty difficult things over the past 5 years or so. My husband has had an easier time rolling with the punches, but for me the battle wounds are still open. Rather than dealing with things in a healthy way, I've pushed it down and just moved along because it was I needed to do to get by. Going to therapy to deal with my grief has also shown me that I have not deal with other problems in my life. So this is my time to deal with it.

I do plan on studying my butt off for the GRE and taking it this fall. I plan on getting my letters of recommendation for grad school. I plan on writing my letter of purpose to the schools I'm applying to. I also have to deal with my yearly cancer check-up. I might even wind up having my tonsils out. But on a daily basis, I'm making it my job to take care of myself. I'm going to work on getting healthy. I'm going to work through my grief. I'm also going to work through my anxiety. I have several projects around the house I want to do as well. So it will be a productive, healthy, soul-searching type of thing for me instead of a sitting in class type of thing. Hopefully everyone will support me and remind me of my positivity about it today on the days where I am asking myself "what the heck am I doing?!"

I proclaim this "The Autumn of Me".

My perfect day

My therapist is always asking me "what do you need?". And often my answer is "more quiet time" or "sleep". I also think I need a great day of indulging myself. So it got me thinking about my "perfect day". My perfect day would go pretty much like this....

Coffee and a blueberry muffin or the like for breakfast eaten outside on my balcony. Even better if the birds are singing and I can watch the occasional plane take-off or landing going on at the airport across the street.

A late morning manicure/pedicure with a good friend or two.

Eating lunch out at a cool cafe where they have chicken salad on a croissant or a great tomato soup. Followed by doing a little shopping. I'd love to hit up some thrift stores and hunt for some treasures.

Then catching a movie, preferably something that makes me laugh.

Have a late dinner (pizza with the kids) and then doing a fire in our fire pit. Sitting around having good conversation while drinking some wine.

That would a perfect day in my book. What is your idea of a perfect day?

But I'm not even on the list

I always have a to-do list, a to-do pile, or a to-do bin.  There's always something on my list to get done. I recently organized my desk because even though I'm done with school for now, I am sitting there often working on something. There's always a form to fill out, an appointment to make, or something to figure out. I juggle the kids appointments, my doctor appointments, their various activities as well as trying to keep some semblance of a social life. I love the Google calendar feature.  I could not live without it. I use it to track all our appointments.  I have it send me reminders.  And yet, I still forget things.  Probably because my calendar is always dotted with things to-do. And if you don't look at the list, well it's easy to forget what's on it.

I started going to therapy to deal with my grief. As I gain a better handle on that, my anxiety disorder seems to feel the space that grief once occupied. Anxiety fills that space and bubbles over into every area of my life. So now I have an additional therapy goal...get a hold on that anxiety. Every week, my therapist tells me I need to take time for myself.  I need to relax.  Maybe clear up that Google calendar a little bit. I try.  I think of taking a "me day".  But there are errands to do, laundry to fold, a kitchen to clean. After all I'm the mom.  I have to take care of my family before I do anything fun right? That's how I was raised.  Do your work, then relax.  The problem is that the work never ends.  The to-do list easily refills itself.

So I examine my to-do list.  Surely it's filled with important things that cannot wait.  And I realize I am not on that list.  I even change my doctor appointments to accomodate other people or to make things more convienent. The truth is staring at back at me in my all-important calendar, it is evident in what's not in my to-do pile or on my to-do list.  Not only do I not put myself first, I do not even put myself on the list.

And I don't think I'm alone.  I think maybe it's a "mom thing". I think that maybe we are hard-wired to believe we have to take care of everyone else first. But if we were on an airplane and those oxygen masks dropped, we would have to put on our mask before we could help our children or our husband right?  So why not apply that in daily life?  If I don't take care of myself, my health both mental and physical then how can I care for anyone else?  So this is me, announcing to the world...I'm putting on my oxygen mask first.  I'm putting me on the to-do list. The laundry can wait.  It'll still be there tomorrow.

Hair

I got my hair cut, dyed and highlighted today and my brows waxed. It felt awesome to have someone else do all the work since I usually color my hair myself.

BEFORE:








AFTER:










Also, just started reading this book which I love.

Hair & Craziness

I have an appointment in about 2 weeks to get my hair colored. I usually do it myself, but I wanted to treat myself. My graduation gift to me, I guess. So I know this isn't the best picture because it's a photo (taken with my phone) of a picture in a magazine. But this is what I want to do. My hair is shorter than hers, but I want to do the bangs and the same color.














PS: This is the sort of craziness that is my life:

Short video clip of Miss Abby...

Hair

I got sick of my fading tri-colored dye job and decided to take matters into my own hands. After all, who can afford a salon dye job these days?
Please excuse my craptastic webcam pics. It was easier than using our camera.

Here's the before (no make-up...gah)





And the after with chocolate cherry by Wella on my hair:

Friday Five: 5 Things I want to improve on

A friend of mine once said that from time to time he thought it was a good idea to take a step back and evaluate his life and what needed to be changed.  I agree.  It's too easy to get into a rut and not see how things could be better. I am at a point in my life where I feel that I need to make some changes.  I think it's a great thing to be always evolving as a person, changing things up on a path to improvement.  These are 5 things I am working on right now.

1. Patience. This is about more than waiting in line.  It's about letting go of the need to control things when it's not possible and just letting fate step in. 

2. Spirituality.  I need to find more spiritual guidance.  Finding a faith "home" means overcoming my social anxiety and putting myself in a situation outside of my comfort zone.  The payoff will be worth the anxiety. 

3. Organization.  This is such an important ingredient in living a lower stress life. How can anyone feel calm if there surroundings are in disarray?  

4. Home Improvement.  Time to face the fact that the housing market is not getting better and we are not going to win the lottery (mostly because we don't even play).  This leads me to want to make the best out of what I do have.  I am tired of looking at scuffed up white walls...time to paint them. Rather than vocalizing my dissatisfaction over my surroundings, I need to change them.

5. My relationship with food.  Obviously we need food to survive, but we don't need it to cope. I am working to nourish my body instead of using it to soothe my soul.  It doesn't soothe me.  It makes me feel worse...it causes me more pain. While it's true that I don't have good metabolism, there are things I am doing that prevent me from losing this extra weight. Time to take responsibility for that.  Time to break up with cheese fries!

Friday Five: 5 Guilty Pleasures

 Today's Friday 5...my 5 current guilty pleasures.

1. Watching Brothers and Sisters on DVD.

2. Naps.

3. Reading non-fiction while curled up on the couch in my pajamas.

4. Blackberry jam on crackers.

5. Coke zero with cherry syrup from Steak N Shake.  There's just something about fountain sodas.

Friday Five: 5 Things I'm looking forward to...

The semester is almost over.  I am done attending classes.  I have 2 finals left to take next week and then I'm done until the fall.  It's been a really hard semester and if I had to do it all over again, I would have taken this semester off.  So now that I'm almost done, I'm getting excited about having some time on my hands.  

5 Things I'm looking forward to having time to do...

1. Seeing my friends.

2. Reading a book for fun.

3. Scrapbooking.

4. Spring cleaning/organizing.

5. Getting serious about healthy eating/exercise. 

Chocolate face

I just used this face mask (bought at Ulta) and OMG, I love it! It smells so good that I was seriously tempted to eat some. It's not a strong chocolate smell, just a light smell and after you wash it off you can still smell a hint of chocolate. Besides the smell, it felt good and left my skin really soft.  A nice little treat for around $2.00.

Girl's Day Out

Yesterday I met up with 2 of my girlfriends from high school. I think it's really amazing that we are still friends 18 years later (even more amazing is that Amy and I are still friends after 25 years). It's nice to have friends that know you so well. Unfortunately we don't all live 5 minutes apart anymore and we can't get together as often as we'd like. How I wish someone would come up with a teleporter or something!

So Brandi, Alycia and I met up yesterday for lunch and shopping and got a chance to catch up. It was a really good time and kind of reminded me of the days in high school when we'd meet up at the mall and hang out. Although this time, we weren't talking about the boys we had a crush on or shopping for tapes and posters...it was talking about husbands and kids and shopping for them.

Here we are:


Brandi is really crafty and talented and she made each of my kiddos a cute little hat. I had Abby model hers for me already:

Hair

I got my hair dyed, highlighted and cut last night. Feels good.






from the side:

Weekend update in photos

Our weekend in pictures. Click on any to make them larger.

We ate lots of yummy stuff. Since it's been in the 80's, Josh has been grilling out rather than firing up the oven. We've had some really tasty veggie meals.
 

Saturday I went to Build A Bear Workshop to make myself the new tropical Hello Kitty they have. Yes I am 31 and still buying myself stuffed animals. But as you all know, I am crazy about Hello Kitty. While I was there I also got pjs for my one of my other Kitties who previously only had undies to wear.

And for Abby, I brought home a Charmmy Kitty which oddly enough is Hello Kitty's pet cat:

We also played at the park a lot and spent a lot of time outside on our deck which is quickly becoming the preferred place to hang out as the house heats up. We are all enjoying our growing plants out there and chatting with our neighbors.

Abby actually took this photo. I like the composition.

 

Sex & The City

We have had a fabulous weekend! It has been so nice to not be busy as we have been over the past several months.
Saturday I went to see the Sex & The City movie with my girlfriend. I loved it! Without giving anything away about the plot, these are 2 themes I loved about the movie.

1. No matter what happens, Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte stay close girlfriends. They don't let time, distance, significant others or children stop them from having their girl time. How often do we busy wives and moms really get to time to be together and just be girlfriends? It seems that it gets harder and harder all the time. Once you get married, you have to consider your partner's schedule as well as your own. Then if you have children, you become much more busy between balancing their schedules, family gatherings and simply the day-to-day business that comes with being a parent. It gets hard to even find 5 minutes to go the bathroom privately let alone call a friend. While it's probably not realistic to think that we can be exactly the girlfriends that we are when we are single and childless, the SATC foursome inspired me to try harder.

2. Relationships/marriage are not fairytales. I have heard people say that if you really love someone, it's not hard work but I don't agree. Marriage is hard work, loving your partner is what makes you want to put in the effort. It is so easy starting from the time that you know it's a serious relationship to get wrapped up in how it should be rather than how your relationship really is. From the time we are little girls we read books about the princess finding true love and then living "happily ever after". What the heck is happily ever after anyway? We get caught up in planning our weddings so much so that every little detail is something that we obsess over. Really during the time we are engaged, we should be planning for a lifetime of marriage not a wedding day. My wedding was perfect, not because it happened without flaws to the plan but because I married my soul mate. I know how caught up I got in the planning, the details and the inevitable drama that comes along with major events. I also remember being a few days into our honeymoon and suddenly realizing that all that stressing out was stupid. All that day should ever have been about was us. Everyone comes to your big party and enjoys the food and the dancing and the wine and that's great. But a marriage is about the two people who are in it, for better or for worse.

Stay tuned for a picture post of our weekend fun.

Wisconsin Dells

This past weekend Josh and I went for a quick trip to Wisconsin Dells with our best friend Matt. It was great to get away and relax overnight.
We ate:












We enjoyed the scenery:






Goofed off:




We also swam, played mini golf and went wine tasting. It was a really nice time.

Best weekend ever!

This past weekend was the best one I've had in many months. It was so much fun hanging out with some of my closest friends and getting a chance to relax after the stress of the past few months.
Friday night Matt, Tom and Megan came down to uh break our blender with us. We wanted to whip up some margaritas with our new blender, but it self-destructed on the 1st try. Thank you Black and Decker! Luckily Matt has a way cooler blender than us and it actually doesn't eat it's own parts. The night started with margaritas and ended with shots of tequila.


Only Matt can drink margaritas from my Wonder Woman cup. Rock on Matt.



RIP Blendy 4/18/2008



Double Megans! Not May-gans.



Saturday morning, I picked up Amy and we headed to Lake Geneva for a girl's weekend with Alycia and Tracy. It was so nice to have girl talk, shop, go to the spa and just relax.



Pretty toes/fingers. Guess which ones are mine.



Of course things got a little silly when the Sparkletini came out.