(Drumroll please) The List

So I have said why I'm taking the semester off which means it would only be right to share my list of goals & things on my agenda for the semester. It's a list for me, because I like crossing things off of lists. And hey, since it's my blog I can post whatever I want right?

• Deal with health issues: sleep apnea, weight, thyroid, and some fun female stuff.
• Study for the GRE.
• Take the GRE and get an impressive (to me) score.
• Get letters of recommendation from my former professors (before they forget who the heck I am).
• Write my charming and intelligent "statement of purpose" for graduate school applications.
• Apply to graduate school(s).
• Work on making our master bedroom more of a sanctuary for the hubster & I rather than a dumping ground for laundry, Barbies and things that no one knows what to do with.

Specifically I want to:

• Lose 35 pounds.  I'm tracking my weight loss at the bottom of this page.  
• Exercise 3-4 times per week.
• Refinish our bedroom furniture and shelves.
• Paint our walls.
• De-clutter our bedroom.
• Redecorate our bedroom.  My very talented LJ buddy Eve gave me some awesome ideas which she posted on her blog, Modachrome Home

• Take the GRE by the end of October.

Bonus points if I get to: scrapbook, read a bunch, and learn how to play my didgeridoo.

The Autumn of Me

While we were on vacation, I made the decision to drop my classes for this semester and take some time off. It may turn out to be the whole school year because I won't be able to be admitted into an Anthro program before fall 2011 due to deadlines. But for now, I'm just focusing on this semester. I decided to take the time off because I am in a position for the first time in my life that offers me a unique opportunity...a chance to work on myself. I feel selfish typing it out. Because as a mother I shouldn't want that. I shouldn't need that, right? But I do.

Our family has been through some pretty difficult things over the past 5 years or so. My husband has had an easier time rolling with the punches, but for me the battle wounds are still open. Rather than dealing with things in a healthy way, I've pushed it down and just moved along because it was I needed to do to get by. Going to therapy to deal with my grief has also shown me that I have not deal with other problems in my life. So this is my time to deal with it.

I do plan on studying my butt off for the GRE and taking it this fall. I plan on getting my letters of recommendation for grad school. I plan on writing my letter of purpose to the schools I'm applying to. I also have to deal with my yearly cancer check-up. I might even wind up having my tonsils out. But on a daily basis, I'm making it my job to take care of myself. I'm going to work on getting healthy. I'm going to work through my grief. I'm also going to work through my anxiety. I have several projects around the house I want to do as well. So it will be a productive, healthy, soul-searching type of thing for me instead of a sitting in class type of thing. Hopefully everyone will support me and remind me of my positivity about it today on the days where I am asking myself "what the heck am I doing?!"

I proclaim this "The Autumn of Me".

Time for change

There are a lot of changes going on in our lives right now (stay tuned for more on that), so it felt like a good time to change my blog too. I'm going to leave the old one up until tomorrow and then it will be deleted. 

I have a lot of photos to post from our recent vacation and some news to share, so check back in the next few days.

Diving in

Abby recently tried both the regular diving board and the high dive for the first time. She wasn't big on the high dive, but she loves the regular diving board.

Splash!

Just wanted to share some photos of Abby from today swimming. I am amazed how much stronger her swimming has gotten over the summer.





I love her pure joy after coming down the slide.

Thoughts on today

“We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.”--Chuck Palahniuk

 

 

 I wish that my Dad had lived forever. But he didn't.  No one can live in their bodies forever.  What's important is that (as my Dad did) you live a beautiful life and that you find a way to live on.  As the Buddha said, "Fashion your life as a garland of beautiful deeds".  My Dad was all about the good deeds.  That's how he showed his love for us.  He might not have often said sentimental things to us, but he showed his love for us in his actions.  

 

I wish that he was here physically to celebrate his birthday with us.  But he is here in spirit with us.  He lives on in my Mom, me, my sister, and his three beautiful grandchildren.  He lives in on the hearts of all of us who loved him.

Today to remember what would have been my Dad's 64th birthday, we released some balloons. I hope they found you in heaven Daddy. And I hope that you know how much we all love and miss you.

Happy Birthday Dad

Tomorrow would have been my Dad's 64th birthday. 


This is from his birthday last year.




I can't put into words how much I miss him. It feels like a piece of me is missing.

After Awhile...

After A While

Author: Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while
you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't always promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn
with every good-bye you learn.