Monday morning madness

It's been kind of a crazy morning.

I woke up to there not being any coffee. Today I need as much caffeine as I can possibly stomach. Although perhaps if I hadn't insisted that Josh crack that second bottle of sparkling wine last night, he would have been able to remember to put the coffee in the pot. Shame on me and my wicked feminine wiles. Thank goodness for Starbuck's Skinny Lattes! Now if only they were as cheap as making coffee at home.

To my neighbors: I'm sorry for the horrors you had to see this morning. It was not my preference to prance about the neighborhood in my pajamas. I especially hated chasing that bag of dog poo that blew out of the can and into the street. Unfortunately the males in my household neglected their responsibility of taking out the garbage. Grr! Had I known that I'd be taking it out, I would have at least wore matching pajamas that didn't show so much boobage. Thank you for not yelling "My eyes!" and instead saying "hello". I know it was hard for you, but it's nonetheless appreciated.

While I was taking Abby to school, taking out the garbage, scaring my neighbors and grabbing that Starbuck's Skinny Latte, Gracie was busy making a big ole stinky pile of poop in the house! I don't know why considering I had just taken her out before I left.

To my hubby: Yes you were right when you said we needed to buy toilet paper. I'm sorry that I disagreed with you because now there is one roll left in the whole house. I'm sure when my coffee kicks in I will be especially sorry that I didn't just let you buy some toilet paper when we were grocery shopping. You were right, I was wrong. I know it will make your day to see it in writing since I so rarely admit it.

I am still working hard on my monster paper. I have a few pages left and the slideshow to do. The paper needs to be done for tomorrow morning at 9:30. The slide show has to be done when I present the paper to the class which could be anytime from tomorrow until the last day we meet. I personally would like to get it over and done with and out of the way. I am hoping I can present tomorrow or Thursday. Other than getting out of the house for two fun little escapades (Amy's tupperware party and having a treat with my sis), I've been constantly working on this paper since Friday.

This is what I get for procrastinating

I spent the bulk of yesterday and so far much of today writing my paper. I will likely be at the computer the rest of the day today as well working on my 20 page paper for Ethnohistory. I am not one who writes papers slowly. I don't do them piece by piece. Anytime I have tried doing it that way I wound up with a mess. I like to sit down and in one day write the whole paper. It turns out more cohesive that way for me. This method has not failed me yet. I usually manage an A or B paper in this fashion. However my current task is the most lengthy I've ever had on my shoulders. It doesn't help that my topic is depressing. My topic is the Sierra Leone civil war with a focus on child soldiers.

I will be thrilled when I'm done with this and can present it in class and let it go. But for now, I am chained to the computer...writing.

Zzzzz....

I am on yet another new dose of Synthroid. And I'm tired. I am sooo tired. I need at least one nap per day. In my whole thyroid adventure I've only had the right dose of Synthroid for a 3 month time period.

Not to be all pathetic, but the really sucky part of thyroid cancer isn't the cancer itself. It's not the radiation or the surgery or the scans. It's this part. It's the never feeling good part. This part lasts so much longer. It seems so petty to complain about being tired, or weight gain, or skin issues. But it annoys me. And the tiredness is just so icky. It's like a tired that no amount of sleep or caffeine will help.

stressed to the gills

Despite getting fabulous test results and having a fantastic weekend, I am stressed out huge. I have a 20 page paper that was due...oh this morning. Guess how far I am? Well I've started the outline... I also have a project (25ish slides) due that I have no farking idea what to even do it on. Also lots of housework (no surprise there...my family doesn't stop needing clean undies just cuz it's crunch time with school) to do. It's spring cleaning time and there's lots that needs my attention....some of it will wind up being more of a summer cleaning project instead.

I am also doing a favor for a friend that involves giving up my evenings every night this week. Not complaining by any stretch because I'm glad I can help, but it adds to the busy feeling.

Also I'm pretty much going it solo 3 nights out of 5 because my hubby also has a busy week.

And I'm soooo tired. Still fighting this virus...yuck. Also I have a dosage adjustment on my Synthroid and my doc has already warned me I will be tired during the transition. I am always tired when my TSH is wrong, but this is the first time she's actually said something about so that makes me nervous.

I'm also starting week 2 of being on a 1500 calorie diet. I love my progress, but not eating is making me a bit cranky. I feel angry sometimes about food. Thank god for Coke Zero, sugar free Starbucks and 100 calorie packs or I might really freak out.

So basically if I don't email you back or it takes an hour or so to get a response to your text message, this is why. I don't deal well with being busy like this especially when I'm physically feeling yucky too.

Before I was a Mom...

My Mom emailed me this today. I love it...it's so true.

Before I was a Mom
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

More test results

Today I got my blood test results.
Thyroglobulin is undetectable. Cancer free!
My TSH needs a little tweaking again, but I'm quite used to that. I haven't stayed on the same dose for more than 3 months since I started this thyroid adventure.

I really don't feel like a cancer patient. Well maybe I do a little still. But I feel like a normal person who is like 90% healthy with just a little naggy cancer issue. This is an improvement from feeling like my life was ruled by cancer. I don't feel like I'm in some crazy in between place waiting to get a clean bill of health anymore. Cancer...you are my bitch!

W00T!!!!!

Nothing here: no voice and no results

I am on day two of barely having a voice. Today it's actually worse or less of a voice. It's quite frustrating. I was supposed to give a presentation in class yesterday but stayed home because how can you present if you can't talk?!? I think I may get together a powerpoint slideshow for what I was going to say to show tomorrow in case my voice is still not back. It seems this is the semester for nearly every odd thing to happen. First my back, then Evan who never gets sick got the flu, the school shootings, now no voice! I am trying to see what the message is in all this.

I still have no results from my neck ultrasound. I was really hoping to hear something by yesterday. My Mom says "no news is good news" but in my experience, doctors don't always rush to tell you bad or negative news. For instance my surgeon had my cancer diagnosis for 4 days before he told me. (I'm really grateful for that because it allowed me to enjoy Halloween with my kids). Also my last bad ultrasound, it took my doctor a week to tell me because she was consulting with another doctor about it. So, I am pretty nervous. Both times I got the news on a Thursday, so I am hoping for news today. News on Thursdays feels like a bad omen. :woah: