When a guy you are dating doesn't return your calls or acts aloof with plans you can safely assume that he's "just not that into you". But what does it mean when it happens with female friends? I know that in our late 20's and 30's we are busy with our husbands, careers, children (if we have them), and often our families. People get really busy in the daily grind and they forget to make that phone call or arrange that girls' night out with their pals. So that being said, I'm also asking myself sometimes...."she really didn't have 5 minutes to email me back? During the whole month of September?" Or I wonder when I repeatedly suggest getting together with someone who says "Sure, I'd love to" but then they never set up a date. Are they just busy? Or are they just not that into being friends with me?
I find in my 30's that friendships are harder. It's harder to make friends because new relationships often require a lot of attention and that's something that I just don't have in surplus these days. By the time I play mom taxi, run errands, clean the house, do homework with the kids, and deal with dinner....I'm exhausted most days. The thought of actually putting on something other than sweats or jeans a t-shirt to go out is not appealing most days. And forget making phone calls when I'm not home alone! The minute I pick up that phone, I will have both kids and likely the husband too urgently needing me to answer a question or referee an argument over the tv.
So while outwardly it might seem that I'm just not trying to be a good friend, it's not true. I want to be. And I am into you. So the question is...are the friends I'm doubting feeling the same way as I am, or are they just not all that into me?
All I can say is you're not alone, and in 40's it's even worse.
ReplyDeleteFor example, I've invited a certain friend to my last 2 dinner parties. She RSVP's "maybe" and then doesn't show, no phone call, no NOTHING. Granted, I bailed the last time SHE invited ME over, but at least I called her, jeesh.
I was starting to wonder "Is this a hint?" but then I got an invitation to a party at her house. When I forwarded it to my husband, I said "Let's say MAYBE until the last minute and then not show up!" but I was kidding---of course, I just said YES PLUS ONE.
You know "I'm into you"...just been busy lately. I like to assume that others are busy, but it's hard to tell. I don't purposely not call, e-mail or make "playdates" with my friends. Literally, time just gets away from me. I would hate to think that a friend is trying to "dump" me...that would suck. Maybe ask the person...see what she says. Maybe there is something going on that you aren't aware of.
ReplyDeleteChristina: Thanks for getting it. I wish people would just be authentic about things, ya know? I think maybe that's why I get along with guys better...no game playing.
ReplyDeleteAmy: I totally don't mean you. I hate to jump to the conclusion that someone is dumping me as a friend, but after many months of this kind of thing I'm not sure what I'm supposed to think.