The last milestone

Some of you know that this is a really difficult week for me (and my family).  Last year during this week, my Dad was in a coma.  We were faced with some harsh realities and difficult decisions.   This Saturday will mark one year since he left this world and went on to a place where he will always be young (To me 63 is still young!), he would always be the Dad I knew, and he would no longer feel any pain. These are the last milestones to get through.

The emptiness that he left in our lives is so profoundly felt and the silence that his absence created is painful.  I wondered how we would survive the aftermath. I have survived with the support of wonderful friends, with giving myself over to the therapy process, and leaning on my family. I recently read an article that gave me an "aha moment" as Oprah calls them. The author had lost both of her parents and was in unimaginable pain, but she said on the upside she never had to go through it again.  I can't imagine how it would have been for my Dad to get much older, become unable to move around, become senile, etc.  I do feel relieved that I no longer have to dread that. One of the most painful experiences of my life is already behind me.

But that doesn't help comfort me when one of us has a birthday and he's not there sitting around the table or when I need to call him for advice and I can't. I feel his absence acutely every day. I try to keep him with me.  I imagine what he would say in certain situations.  I talk to him out loud when I'm alone. I look at my scrapbooks to see pictures of him. I know he's with me in a way.

If you were to ask what you could do to help as some friend have, I'll tell you.  It's really quite simple. The best thing you could do is share a memory with me that you have of my Dad. I'm not afraid to talk about him. Talking about him keeps him alive for me. You can also listen.  Every time I share the painful or sad feelings, a little bit of their power is diminished. Talking lessens the hurt. You can also tell me a joke.  Laughter is the best medicine.