The "good cancer" chronicles

After my last clean scan in the early fall last year, I felt like I was home-free. No more cancer worries. I'm just over 4 years out from my diagnosis and the more time that passes, the more confident I feel that I have defeated my cancer. I stopped identifying with the cancer patient part of my life. And I got cocky.

But in a recent visit to my endocrinologist, I got my reality check. I told her I didn't think I needed anymore scans. There are too pricey and time consuming. Besides, I'm sure that I'm cured. And then she reminded me of a few things....
*My cancer was/is Stage III which means it deserves more scrutiny.
*The lymph nodes in my neck have acted suspiciously in the past. (Apparently it's possible to have a good thyroglobulin blood test result, but still have cancer cells show up in a scan.)
*Thyroid cancer behaves differently than other cancers and can show up again after being dormant for a decade or two. From Thyca.org:
"While the prognosis for most thyroid cancer patients is very good, the rate of recurrence can be up to 30%, and recurrences can occur even decades after the initial diagnosis. Therefore, it is important that patients get regular follow-up examinations to detect whether the cancer has re-emerged. Monitoring should continue throughout the patient’s lifetime."

I am thankful for my reality check in ways. I need to stop on top of my check-ups. I need to keep up with testing, no matter how pricey or time consuming. Because if I do ever have a recurrence, I need to fight back. Knowledge is power.

And while I can be positive and say it's good that I have a more realistic picture of what to expect and be thankful for being cancer-free today, I am also going to be honest. The part of me that remembers all too well what treatment felt like and is battle-weary from years of dealing without a thyroid...that part of me is afraid and sad. I wish I could just be done dealing with this and skip merrily along into the future worry-free that my cancer would ever return.

But for today, I accept that this is my life. I embrace the cancer patient part of who I am, if only to keep in mind that I have to stay vigilant. And I give myself permission to be carefully optimistic and to feel sad or scared some days. Most of all, I remind myself that I'm a fighter.

But to those of you who say this is the "good cancer", I say "pffft!".