An update

The past 2 weeks have been a whirlwind of activity. The kids have been out of school since their 1/2 day last Monday. I started my first graduate class last Monday. I'm taking statistics for social workers and it's really kicking my butt. Everyone I tell that I'm taking a stats class has only negative things to say about it but it's actually not that bad. Since it's tailored for social workers, I can see how it will apply to my future studies and career. It's a lot of homework though. Especially between Monday night to Wednesday night. It's really hard to get my homework done with the kids home. Tuesdays is the day that I to to therapy and WW so that makes it extra hard. I can't change my therapy appointment but I am thinking of changing my WW meeting.

This is how I spend my Tuesday mornings now...breakfast and stats reading.



Breakfast is typically a lot of fruit, a vitamuffin and turkey bacon along with my constant glass of sugar free peach ice tea (6-7 WW points for the whole meal).

In other news, I got new glasses which I love.



Abigail (she now prefers that over Abby) and I went to Build A Bear on Friday because that was the day that they released the pink Hello Kitty and I had to have one.




Abigail got a blue bear, but she was kind enough to groom both her bear and my Hello Kitty.



During out girl's day out trip to the mall, Abigail also had her photos taken for her 9th birthday (even though it's 6 weeks away).
She brought along her stuffed strawberry friend Berry to pose with her. Here are some of my favorites.









Josh and I also got to have a date night and go to our favorite restaurant.



And finally, yesterday we went to my aunt's surprise 75th birthday party! She had a great time and was truly surprised.

The Autumn of Me

While we were on vacation, I made the decision to drop my classes for this semester and take some time off. It may turn out to be the whole school year because I won't be able to be admitted into an Anthro program before fall 2011 due to deadlines. But for now, I'm just focusing on this semester. I decided to take the time off because I am in a position for the first time in my life that offers me a unique opportunity...a chance to work on myself. I feel selfish typing it out. Because as a mother I shouldn't want that. I shouldn't need that, right? But I do.

Our family has been through some pretty difficult things over the past 5 years or so. My husband has had an easier time rolling with the punches, but for me the battle wounds are still open. Rather than dealing with things in a healthy way, I've pushed it down and just moved along because it was I needed to do to get by. Going to therapy to deal with my grief has also shown me that I have not deal with other problems in my life. So this is my time to deal with it.

I do plan on studying my butt off for the GRE and taking it this fall. I plan on getting my letters of recommendation for grad school. I plan on writing my letter of purpose to the schools I'm applying to. I also have to deal with my yearly cancer check-up. I might even wind up having my tonsils out. But on a daily basis, I'm making it my job to take care of myself. I'm going to work on getting healthy. I'm going to work through my grief. I'm also going to work through my anxiety. I have several projects around the house I want to do as well. So it will be a productive, healthy, soul-searching type of thing for me instead of a sitting in class type of thing. Hopefully everyone will support me and remind me of my positivity about it today on the days where I am asking myself "what the heck am I doing?!"

I proclaim this "The Autumn of Me".

Time for change

There are a lot of changes going on in our lives right now (stay tuned for more on that), so it felt like a good time to change my blog too. I'm going to leave the old one up until tomorrow and then it will be deleted. 

I have a lot of photos to post from our recent vacation and some news to share, so check back in the next few days.

A little update

I haven't been writing much lately because I have been busy away from my computer enjoying the summer. Abby and I have been spending a lot of time at the pool. We have also been pretty busy with various medical appointments but luckily that has reached a lull and we don't have any more to worry about until the fall. Abby is still going for physical therapy weekly as she works to build her muscles back up in her leg after so long of them being either in a cast or brace. Swimming is really helpful for getting those muscles strong again.



We recently discovered a cool sno cone place that we've been visiting often.





On Sunday (in between thunderstorms) Abby helped the Daisy troop at her school "bridge over". She also received her patches for the year. While I am not particularly looking forward to sewing them on, I can't wait to see her sash with more patches on it. Here are a couple of photos from that day...






Waiting to walk over the bridge:




Receiving her patches from her troop leader:

Just a little update

I feel like I've been neglecting to update my blog lately. It's that crazy time of the semester when all the projects are due at once and it's time to begin studying for finals. It's hard to believe that in less than 2 weeks I'll be graduating. Finally!

Thursday we are taking our daughter to see an orthopedic specialist to figure out why she broke her tibia twice and why it's been slow to heal both times. It's a little scary, but we also need to get to the bottom of this.

On a happier note, our cousins from "up north" visited us last weekend. It was SO good to see them.



Cousin Melanie meeting my niece for the 1st time.





Cousin Craig playing Don't Break the Ice with Abby.




Aunt Joan, Mom, Abby, Melanie and Craig

Lots of balls in the air right now

The reason I named this blog "Juggling it all" is because I feel like I'm always juggling different roles and responsibilities in my life. It's never just one thing and it's never calm. And right now is no exception...so here's an update of sorts.

I am working on making and dealing with big changes in my life. The biggest thing is dealing with losing my Dad. Up until recently I have been in shock and survival mode. With time and therapy, I feel like I'm able to start grieving. It's been rough. I find that I cry a lot. And I find that I don't feel sure who I can talk to anymore. It seems that there's a timeframe of how long it's acceptable to other people to talk about crisis or tragedy in your life. Although I do have a couple of people I can talk to, I feel like with most people the window of acceptability for talking about my loss has closed. I struggle with my sadness, the sense of emptiness and trying to make sense of a life without one of the most important people to me. My therapist says I can still have a relationship with my Dad even though he's gone. I'm not sure that entirely makes sense to me, but I'm trying to understand how that will work.

I am also making some big health changes. I'm not going to pretty this up...we all know I'm fat. I have a lot of weight to lose. My weight is something I have struggled with my whole life. I did have a block of time in my life where I was truly happy with my weight until my thyroid decided to screw that up for me. I've been on the South Beach diet for a few weeks now and have lost 10.5 pounds. (Yes I have to mention that 1/2 pound because to me...every ounce counts) I haven't been perfect on the diet, because let's face it changing your eating habits completely is a struggle. Especially if like me, you are an emotional eater. Even harder when you have a lot of emotions you'd like to eat.

On top of eating better, I am dealing with the effects of being this size. I have been afraid for a long time of having a diabetes test. I finally sucked it up and had a full physical. I am super thankful that I do not have diabetes but I realize that if I don't make changes I will have it someday. I do have high blood pressure which I am now taking medicine for. That is disappointing to me, but at least I'm getting it under control. The biggest change is that I have been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. This involves using a cpap machine every night when I sleep. It forces air down my airway which sort of props open my airway so I don't stop breathing. During my sleep study, I stopped breathing 90 times in an hour. Kinda bad. I am struggling to get used to my cpap and working out some kinks with it, but I am very much looking forward to getting some real sleep.

Another big change is that I'm about to graduate. Eeek, out into the real world. Sort of. I had always planned to go to graduate school immediately following my Bachelor's degree. But after the way last semester turned out for me, that's not going to work out as planned. I am probably going to have to take a semester off instead unless I win the Lotto or the Publisher's Clearing House shows up at my door with balloons and a big check. I don't have time to get into a graduate program and Uncle Sam will only loan me my tuition money if I'm I get into a graduate program during the semester I'm an "at-large" student. And so, I wait. It's weird for me to think of taking a semester off. I've not electively done so since 1998 when I had to quit school to work full time. I've consistently been in school since 2003.

I'm still here

I'm still here, just haven't had much to say lately. I'm busy with school, the kids and dealing with making some big changes in my life.

On the kid front: Abby is in an aircast for about another week and then will hopefully start physical therapy. Evan is working hard to improve his grades. It's not always fun to do homework, but it's so important to take that time.

I got a cpap machine yesterday to start treating my severe sleep apnea. It's a lot of getting used to, but I don't have much of a choice. I'm on blood pressure medicine now which I hope is a temporary thing. I am also on week 3 of the south beach diet and so far have lost 9.5 pounds. I lost a lot the first week, but it's slow going now. Hopefully as my sleep apnea gets under control, I will have more energy and be able to start working out. I miss having energy to do that.

This is my last semester at NIU as an undergrad, so I am looking into my options for my post-graduate life. It's a little daunting.

Big changes in the works!

Update

An update of sorts....

*My sister and her baby are coming home today. I cleaned up their house a bit and decorated for the baby's homecoming for them. I also made them a picture frame using their first picture as family with my scrapbooking skills. I am hoping to see baby Adeline tonight if they are up for visitors.

*I feel completely over the flu. I had some tiredness I was fighting last week. Abby is still on antibiotics and she is going to the doctor Wednesday for a re-check. Hopefully the pneumonia is clearing up.

*I'm totally swamped with school. There are 4 weeks left of the semester and I have 4 projects due. The first deadline is a week from today. I am feeling so overwhelmed and quite frankly scared of how it's all going to pan out. I still have some things to do to prepare for graduation. I have about a month left to apply for May graduation.

*My Dad is hanging in there. It seems like his pain is less. His side effects from chemo are minimal. I will be taking him to chemo Thursday for the first time. I'm happy that I can finally do something tangible to help my parents out. I am a little nervous about how I'll feel emotionally about it though.

Today

Last night Abby was up throwing up for a few hours. She's totally fine now thank goodness! This morning we took her to the orthopedic doc and her bone is healing...they see new bone growth. So happy! Luckily Josh called in today and was able to stay with Abby so I didn't miss one of my long days of school.


My Dad seems in good spirits. Tomorrow is the first CT scan since his treatments began so I'm very much hoping for some positive news.


I have my tenative schedule picked out for spring. I register on November 4th. I have to go and declare my political science minor and talk to my advisor to be sure I'm on track. I'm scared of getting bad news and nervous about fitting it all in but onward I march.


In pictures....

Me (see how life has beat me down...I look tired despite Starbucks and makeup, LOL)




Around campus:
Creepy skeletons...




More pretty leaves...





The end.

Update

I went with my sister to the high-risk ob/gyn today and saw my little niece (70% sure it's a girl) on the ultrasound. It was very cool. Although she mostly looks like a sea monkey still, I can already tell she's going to be adorable. I just hope she stays inside her Mom's tummy long enough to have a good start in this world. Still trying to think positively.

In other news, I have the beginnings of a strawberry in my pot garden. Very exciting! I am really enjoying my little garden so far.

Snow, snow go away.

Abby and I planted some snapdragon seeds and put them in this watering can-turned-planter. I was so excited to see little green spouts in there a couple of days ago.


I am so ready for spring. Judging by the fact that there is still snow on our deck, it will be awhile before we are planting anything that can stay outside.



I got my new glasses from Zenni Optical. I ordered those pink ones I posted about a few weeks ago and I hate them on me. But I also got a new pair of the ones I already had, which are these:



They are the same style and color as what I already had, but I think these are a little darker. Bonus, they are not broken.

In other news, Abby's therapy is going well and she's walking unassisted. I am so proud of her for her hard work. Hopefully she'll be able to do the things she's missing out on soon, like running and jumping.

A little update

Abby had her 1st physical therapy appointment today. It went better than I had expected. She is now putting weight on her left leg (the one that was broken) and walking assisted with her walker. Her therapist said that she shouldn't need the walker after about another week. She is going to go to therapy twice a week for a month. She's almost done!

I haven't been blogging much or feeling very social because I've been so busy with school. It's a good kind of busy, but it also makes me anxious. I really want to finish out the semester with A's and B's. I'm also still feel hypothyroid and tired due to some issues I was having with taking my pills. So I do have some days where I *need* a nap to get through or where I feel totally unmotivated. But I'm getting past that.

A day in the life

I thought it would be interesting to chronicle a typical day in my life. I've seen it done on other journals/blogs, so I thought hey, why not!? Plus I haven't taken photos in awhile and was itching to do so.



6:45--Wake up and make sure that Evan is going to the bus stop rather than still sleeping. Start getting me and Abby dressed, etc.
7:30--Wake Josh up so he can shower. Give Abby her nose spray and breathing treatment. Be forced to watch Penelope Pitstop...it's Abby's choice.


8:00--Throw the chicken for tonight's dinner in the crock pot.
8:30--Take Abby to school.
Big sigh of relief...now I'm alone. Have breakfast and coffee while checking email, facebook, etc.
Breakfast today was cinnamon toast and coffee...

Do homework.



Do laundry.

Clean house.

Take Gracie outside and feed her. Here she is waiting for her treat after going potty.

Meet Sandy for lunch. I don't do this every day obviously, although it would be nice. LOL.

Go to class. Fight to stay awake since I've made myself hypothyroid after running out of Synthroid and waiting for more to arrive (finally did yesterday...Woot!) On the upside, it was so beautiful outside today. I really enjoyed my walk to class.



On the way home from class, stop in town and run an errand.



Get the mail, take the dog out. Spend about 20 minutes relaxing before Evan gets home from school.

Pick up Abby from school.

Check online to see what Evan's homework is and if he has missing work. Find out that he has a missing assignment and proceed to listen to 2 hours worth of protests and whining out of him while he tries desperately to avoid privilege loss.



Finish making chicken tacos which were super yummy.



Clean up dinner dishes.

Start up more laundry.

Declare that I need a few minutes to myself. Grab some Baileys & Milk and scoot upstairs along with Gracie to veg for a few minutes.



Watched Peanut's Valentine's Day special with Josh and Abby.



After Josh puts Abby to bed, watch Scrubs and do more laundry.

It was a busy day, but the important thing is that at the end of it...this who I get to be with...

Back to "normal"...

Today was Abby's first day back to school in a month (Christmas break + leg). I have been a nervous nellie all day worrying about her. Whether or not she'll make it to the potty, if she'll be in pain or if she'll step on that leg. Taking her to school and picking her up is such an ordeal with her wheelchair and her walker. Luckily Josh will be doing later hours until her cast is off so he can help me out.  I don't know how I'd do it alone. 

I don't want to complain (but I will) but I'm so tired and overwhelmed with all of this. Josh and I are physically exhausted.  Most days both of our backs are hurting from lifting Abby or her wheelchair. I hurt my knee lifting her out of the car which sucks.  Hopefully it won't hurt for long because I don't really have time for it. Abby also gets us up a few times per night for bathroom breaks. I don't know when my last real conversation was. BUT, I am really glad that I can take care of her.  I don't know what we would do if we were both working outside the home or if Josh's office wasn't flexible. 

But I'm really happy for her that she can be among her friends again. Plus she has always loved being at school. I called to ask a question earlier and kinda check on her (it's a small school, so I wasn't bugging them) and the school secretary said she's like a rock star. The kids are so happy she's back and are all begging to write on her cast.

So Josh is back at the office, both kids are in school and I'm starting to figure out my schedule with school and homework. It's my 1st day alone in a month.  It's very quiet...just me and Gracie and the sound of the washer/dryer running.  It's so weird.  I hope that when things calm down I'll be able to catch up with everyone and get some things squared away around the house.

A few random photos and an update

I hope that everyone enjoyed their Memorial Day weekend. It sure was nice to have the 3 days off and have Josh and the kids home. We didn't do a whole lot. Saturday was a busy day for me during which I got my hair done and went to a scrapbooking session with my friends. Monday we bathed Gracie which is always an adventure since Gracie hates baths. We started the bath outside with the hose, but she kept slipping free from her collar and running away from us. I really wish I'd had the video camera rolling then! We finally got her bathed and then brushed. During the brushing, about a grocery bag's worth of her hair came out. I guess that's the winter coat finally shedding. I was surprised at so much hair for such a little furball.

Gracie is finally using her doggie bed. Photographic evidence below:




Some more photos from Friday's campfire:




Here is also a video from that night with Abby telling us a Chuck Norris "joke":


A few small changes we've made around the house. We don't have much time for home improvement projects these days, so I am celebrating even small victories.

New here is the tapestry above the fireplace which came from India (via Ebay) and finally got hung up. I really love it and hope that eventually it will be the inspiration for painting that room.


And finally tonight was Abby's spring sing for school. I am hoping to have video to share soon, but it is currently too large to upload. Josh is working on editing it to be small enough to share online.

It's hard to get good photos in NIU's music hall, but Abby is the one in pink in the middle.

Wednesday Update

I bit the bullet and called my Endo and made an appointment for the middle of March. Thinking positive!

It's already been a very tiring week emotionally, mentally and physically. I'm looking forward to the weekend.

Overdue Update

Wow, I haven't updated in awhile. That would be because school is in session and life is crazy!
+No cancer in my lymph node!
-lymph nodes still oddly enlarged, will check again in 3-6 months
+no thyroid cells detected, so cancer is still in remission!
+kids are both loving school
+Evan is getting awesome grades, his midterm quarter report was A's and 1 B
-school is kicking my butt and I'm in the middle of midterm week.