Before & during

A friend suggested that I find a before picture, so I did. Here is me before I started my weight loss journey and then my picture from yesterday 69.6 pounds lighter:

Woohoo!

I had my 1st weigh-in since joining Weight Watchers tonight and I'm down 6.4 pounds.  Granted, I should have weighed in on Tuesday but didn't go because I have the virus from hell.  It really hasn't been that hard for me most of the time which makes me really happy. Woot!

Yay for progress

I saw my regular doc this morning and had a pretty good check-up.  My blood pressure is doing great with the drug I'm on.  I'd like to get off of it, but that is further down the road apparently. My resting pulse has gone from 90 to 70. He was also very happy with the 20 pounds that I have lost.  I wish it was more but my weight loss has been stagnant over the past few weeks. I do have to work harder.  But it was super to see how my progress is positively affecting my health.

LID: Day 4

Today was day 4 of the low iodine diet.  I did my weekly weigh-in as well and found that I hit a milestone of 20 pounds lost.  I was really happy to see that. I am sure that the LID has something to do with hitting that goal faster than expected.  Especially after the past weekend where I ate whatever I wanted and I have not worked out this week at all.  By the way, I discovered over the weekend that not only do I not miss fried or fast food, but it grosses me out now. I did really miss pizza though!

The LID is making me feel icky. I feel tired, my stomach acid is out of control because of all the fruit and no dairy. When I log my calories I notice that my sugars are too high and my protein and fats are way too low.  This diet is definitely not a healthy one.

Breakfast: Homemade turkey sausage, pomegranate fruit bar, orange juice.

Lunch: Grilled chicken, grapes.

Dinner: Mexican corn (I cheated a little), fruit salad, Matzo cracker with unsalted, organic peanut butter.  I had such a taste for the Mexican corn and I knew it had some dairy on it and probably salt, but I thought a little taste of normal might keep sane.  So I had maybe a 1/4 cup of dairy altogether between the cream and cheese with the corn.

Snacks: fruit strip, grapes, raisins.

A week from today I will be getting my first blood test for the scan.  I'm trying so hard not to wish October away, but I'm happy about each milestone that I pass that brings me closer to this phase being over with.

Operation Getting Healthy: Week 6

I had a really rough week with staying on track, both with emotional eating and making healthy choices while eating out. I was also only able to get to the gym one time, but I was really pleased to see that I was able to swim laps for 1/2 an hour before I got tired. The emotional eating has been hard while I'm dealing with the fact that my cancer might be back. It's my first impulse to go to ice cream or pizza when I'm sad or worried. I'm also really missing my Dad which is making it hard to be good about not emotional eating. Having made this progress though, I do not want to slip up and lose ground.

On Monday I will start the low iodine diet and hypothyroid mess I need to go through for the cancer stuff. It's not that unhealthy things are really allowed on the diet because I can't have dairy or bread that I don't make myself. Those are the places where I'd have a hard time. But being hypothyroid will mean that I'm tired and won't want to work out as much. It will also mean that my body isn't really burning calories. So that will be a challenge. I'm going to have to really focus on my commitment to working out. I plan on going on Tuesdays & Thursdays for sure and one weekend day.


Weight lost: 18.9 pounds!

Operation Getting Healthy: Week 5

I made a few bad choices and succumbed to emotional eating once or twice, but considering the disappointing news about my lymph nodes I am cutting myself some slack.  Even when I made bad choices, I compensated for it later in the day by eating lower calorie meals.  I have still been logging my calories & exercise on myfitnesspal.com.  I also joined the gym last week and have gone to work out twice.  Working out wasn't easy for me, but I enjoyed the feeling of accomplishment.  The first time that I went I swam laps.  I had a hard time hoisting my fat ass out of the pool which was mortifying, but I won't let it stop me from doing it again.  I really enjoy swimming for exercise.  The second time I did the bike and treadmill.  My knees are a little sore today, the day after but hopefully I can get them stronger and take more pressure of them by exercising and losing the weight. 

Overall I'm down 18.1 pounds!  I lost enough weight to need a lower dose of Synthroid.  Woot, woot!

Diving in

I joined a gym on Tuesday.  It's 30 minutes from my house, but it's much nicer than any we have near us.  I wanted something with a pool and the only gym here with a pool & good hours is the YMCA which has a yucky pool and a weird layout. The gym I joined is also where my husband and 4 of our friends are members. So I figure having other people to go with is good thing too.

The experience of signing up was sort of humbling because I had to discuss my weight and goals with a total stranger. And all this took place in front of my husband, so it was further humbling. But I'm glad that I did it. I felt really supported by my husband and by the staff that I encountered there, so it's a positive step. I'm excited about having a place to go and work out regularly.  I plan on swimming laps at first and then moving on to other low impact exercises like the bike or elliptical machine.

It's definitely forcing me to face some anxiety head on too because it's a new routine for me. I feel weird about the changing & showering in the locker room and working out in front of strangers. I also have to go through a personal training session which I'm sure will be helpful but will also be an anxious situation for me. I'm really looking forward to putting the extra effort into getting healthy and getting the weight off. So today I'm going to get that first time over with and I hope that it all goes well. I was going to go today, but I'm have been fighting back a panic attack all morning & am waiting for 2 doctor's offices to call me.  So I'll either go tomorrow or during the weekend when I feel more prepared.

And it starts to show...

I lost enough weight to need a lower dose of my thyroid meds. I guess with every 20 pounds I will need to go in for a blood test to see if I need less synthroid.  There's really no benefit to needing less synthroid as far as I know.  It's just cool to hit a milestone.

I have really been struggling with keeping my willpower.  I haven't side tracked at all, but the temptation is very high.  Especially with the stress of the cancer stuff.

Lots of balls in the air right now

The reason I named this blog "Juggling it all" is because I feel like I'm always juggling different roles and responsibilities in my life. It's never just one thing and it's never calm. And right now is no exception...so here's an update of sorts.

I am working on making and dealing with big changes in my life. The biggest thing is dealing with losing my Dad. Up until recently I have been in shock and survival mode. With time and therapy, I feel like I'm able to start grieving. It's been rough. I find that I cry a lot. And I find that I don't feel sure who I can talk to anymore. It seems that there's a timeframe of how long it's acceptable to other people to talk about crisis or tragedy in your life. Although I do have a couple of people I can talk to, I feel like with most people the window of acceptability for talking about my loss has closed. I struggle with my sadness, the sense of emptiness and trying to make sense of a life without one of the most important people to me. My therapist says I can still have a relationship with my Dad even though he's gone. I'm not sure that entirely makes sense to me, but I'm trying to understand how that will work.

I am also making some big health changes. I'm not going to pretty this up...we all know I'm fat. I have a lot of weight to lose. My weight is something I have struggled with my whole life. I did have a block of time in my life where I was truly happy with my weight until my thyroid decided to screw that up for me. I've been on the South Beach diet for a few weeks now and have lost 10.5 pounds. (Yes I have to mention that 1/2 pound because to me...every ounce counts) I haven't been perfect on the diet, because let's face it changing your eating habits completely is a struggle. Especially if like me, you are an emotional eater. Even harder when you have a lot of emotions you'd like to eat.

On top of eating better, I am dealing with the effects of being this size. I have been afraid for a long time of having a diabetes test. I finally sucked it up and had a full physical. I am super thankful that I do not have diabetes but I realize that if I don't make changes I will have it someday. I do have high blood pressure which I am now taking medicine for. That is disappointing to me, but at least I'm getting it under control. The biggest change is that I have been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. This involves using a cpap machine every night when I sleep. It forces air down my airway which sort of props open my airway so I don't stop breathing. During my sleep study, I stopped breathing 90 times in an hour. Kinda bad. I am struggling to get used to my cpap and working out some kinks with it, but I am very much looking forward to getting some real sleep.

Another big change is that I'm about to graduate. Eeek, out into the real world. Sort of. I had always planned to go to graduate school immediately following my Bachelor's degree. But after the way last semester turned out for me, that's not going to work out as planned. I am probably going to have to take a semester off instead unless I win the Lotto or the Publisher's Clearing House shows up at my door with balloons and a big check. I don't have time to get into a graduate program and Uncle Sam will only loan me my tuition money if I'm I get into a graduate program during the semester I'm an "at-large" student. And so, I wait. It's weird for me to think of taking a semester off. I've not electively done so since 1998 when I had to quit school to work full time. I've consistently been in school since 2003.

Yes you are reading that weight loss ticker correctly!

I have lost 25 pounds!  I am feeling so proud because it's been so hard for me physically and emotionally. 

FUTURE MILF: Weekly Weigh-in #3

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Future MILF: Weekly Weigh in #2

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FUTURE MILF: Weekly Weigh-in #1

Pounds lost: 4
Diet: just eating sensibly
Exercise: honestly none, I've been too tired.

Future MILF

I'm not avoiding the Future MILF Friday weigh-in. I bought a scale and it hasn't come yet. So as soon as it does, I'm going to be keeping track of my progress.