While we were on vacation, I made the decision to drop my classes for this semester and take some time off. It may turn out to be the whole school year because I won't be able to be admitted into an Anthro program before fall 2011 due to deadlines. But for now, I'm just focusing on this semester. I decided to take the time off because I am in a position for the first time in my life that offers me a unique opportunity...a chance to work on myself. I feel selfish typing it out. Because as a mother I shouldn't want that. I shouldn't need that, right? But I do.
Our family has been through some pretty difficult things over the past 5 years or so. My husband has had an easier time rolling with the punches, but for me the battle wounds are still open. Rather than dealing with things in a healthy way, I've pushed it down and just moved along because it was I needed to do to get by. Going to therapy to deal with my grief has also shown me that I have not deal with other problems in my life. So this is my time to deal with it.
I do plan on studying my butt off for the GRE and taking it this fall. I plan on getting my letters of recommendation for grad school. I plan on writing my letter of purpose to the schools I'm applying to. I also have to deal with my yearly cancer check-up. I might even wind up having my tonsils out. But on a daily basis, I'm making it my job to take care of myself. I'm going to work on getting healthy. I'm going to work through my grief. I'm also going to work through my anxiety. I have several projects around the house I want to do as well. So it will be a productive, healthy, soul-searching type of thing for me instead of a sitting in class type of thing. Hopefully everyone will support me and remind me of my positivity about it today on the days where I am asking myself "what the heck am I doing?!"
I proclaim this "The Autumn of Me".
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