Pink Christmas

We put up our Christmas decorations last night. Excuse the camera phone photos, but here is my pink tree all decorated.

Around the house

A sneak peek of my new bedroom color scheme below. I loved the fabulous mood board that Eve designed for me and I took away some great ideas from that. I decided it was time for me to give up the hot pink in our master bedroom. I do of course still have it the master bath. I really wanted calm soothing colors in our bedroom. We sold our exercise bike because it was just collecting dust. We love our gym so we'd rather work out there. I painted our bedroom furniture and shelves black/brown to match our IKEA desks and Expedit shelves. I did learn through my painting project things I should have done differently. I plan on redoing one dresser in the spring.
From this:




To this:





I'll post better pictures when I'm all done painting. I suspect it will be a couple more weeks until we have time. One wall will be pretty labor intensive because it includes the our workspace and unplugging computers.

A close-up of the pattern of my new comforter. I've been dying to put it out and have had since October when I bought it with birthday money.





I have a few things on my my IKEA wishlist for our room. I love this area rug that was on our moodboard:





I want to swap out our mismatched office chairs for these IKEA urban chairs in light blue:





I also have my eye on these blinds in dark brown for our bedroom windows.JC Penney's has them on sale and they should be more on sale starting Wednesday.


At Lowe's yesterday I saw this light fixture and fell in love. It would be so perfect for our dining area. It has every color of the tapestry we have hanging on the wall.




I plan on replacing our dining table after the holidays with this one from IKEA:




I want to replace our benches and chairs with more IKEA urban chairs, but I'm not too keen on their current color choices for the dining area. They have white and the light blue. I loved the colors from last year, orange or green. So hopefully they will offer something else soon.


Lastly I must share my new Christmas tree. I am quite surprised that I was able to get my husband to agree to it.

Yesterday

Yesterday was a project day for me. I felt like the best way to handle the day was to do stuff I would have or could have done with my Dad. And I did those things with my daughter (son was at Grandma's house). We put up the outside Christmas lights, took a trip to Lowe's to buy paint, and painted 2 walls of my bedroom. I taught her how to use a screwdriver and how to sand the wall. To be honest, hubby helped too. :-)

We also went out for dinner and I was so pleased with how nicely Abby sat and ate. With all the steroids she takes her for her asthma and her natural high energy level, sitting still is not usually something she can do.

I'll post pictures of our paint job shortly.

Remembering

Tomorrow it will be a year since I said goodbye to my Dad. It's hard to believe that it's been a year. I still miss him terribly every day. I'm not entirely sure how I want to deal with tomorrow. I would much rather remember his life than his death so in a way I'd like the day just to pass as any other Saturday. But then I can't imagine not taking a moment to remember the day for what it is.


I have so many good memories of my Dad. I love looking at photos of him and remembering. Here are some old photos that my hubby scanned in for me yesterday....


My parents and I on my baptism day.




My Mom and I. I love this one because we both look so happy and in this moment it's just about us.




Dad and I at Disney World.




My parents.




Dad and I.

Turkey Day Photos

We had a nice Thanksgiving yesterday at my Mom's house.  Lots of good food and a good time with family. After dessert, Mom and I went through old photos and we scanned some old photos which I'll share in another post.



My Mom and my kids.




Mom & I.




Evan holding his baby cousin.





The 4 of us.



My cutie pie niece.



My aunt and my niece.



Hubby and I.




My babies.

The last milestone

Some of you know that this is a really difficult week for me (and my family).  Last year during this week, my Dad was in a coma.  We were faced with some harsh realities and difficult decisions.   This Saturday will mark one year since he left this world and went on to a place where he will always be young (To me 63 is still young!), he would always be the Dad I knew, and he would no longer feel any pain. These are the last milestones to get through.

The emptiness that he left in our lives is so profoundly felt and the silence that his absence created is painful.  I wondered how we would survive the aftermath. I have survived with the support of wonderful friends, with giving myself over to the therapy process, and leaning on my family. I recently read an article that gave me an "aha moment" as Oprah calls them. The author had lost both of her parents and was in unimaginable pain, but she said on the upside she never had to go through it again.  I can't imagine how it would have been for my Dad to get much older, become unable to move around, become senile, etc.  I do feel relieved that I no longer have to dread that. One of the most painful experiences of my life is already behind me.

But that doesn't help comfort me when one of us has a birthday and he's not there sitting around the table or when I need to call him for advice and I can't. I feel his absence acutely every day. I try to keep him with me.  I imagine what he would say in certain situations.  I talk to him out loud when I'm alone. I look at my scrapbooks to see pictures of him. I know he's with me in a way.

If you were to ask what you could do to help as some friend have, I'll tell you.  It's really quite simple. The best thing you could do is share a memory with me that you have of my Dad. I'm not afraid to talk about him. Talking about him keeps him alive for me. You can also listen.  Every time I share the painful or sad feelings, a little bit of their power is diminished. Talking lessens the hurt. You can also tell me a joke.  Laughter is the best medicine.

Tidbits

I've been meaning to post some photos.  So here they are.



Daughter playing with her cousin.







From a recent visit with my cousin and my Mom....







Daughter's "room cleaning" outfit. Her choice, not mine...

She's just not that into me?

When a guy you are dating doesn't return your calls or acts aloof with plans you can safely assume that he's "just not that into you".  But what does it mean when it happens with female friends? I know that in our late 20's and 30's we are busy with our husbands, careers, children (if we have them), and often our families.  People get really busy in the daily grind and they forget to make that phone call or arrange that girls' night out with their pals.  So that being said, I'm also asking myself sometimes...."she really didn't have 5 minutes to email me back?  During the whole month of September?"  Or I wonder when I repeatedly suggest getting together with someone who says "Sure, I'd love to" but then they never set up a date.  Are they just busy?  Or are they just not that into being friends with me?

I find in my 30's that friendships are harder.  It's harder to make friends because new relationships often require a lot of attention and that's something that I just don't have in surplus these days.  By the time I play mom taxi, run errands, clean the house, do homework with the kids, and deal with dinner....I'm exhausted most days.  The thought of actually putting on something other than sweats or jeans a t-shirt to go out is not appealing most days. And forget making phone calls when I'm not home alone!  The minute I pick up that phone, I will have both kids and likely the husband too urgently needing me to answer a question or referee an argument over the tv.

So while outwardly it might seem that I'm just not trying to be a good friend, it's not true.  I want to be.  And I am into you.  So the question is...are the friends I'm doubting feeling the same way as I am, or are they just not all that into me?

Make-up review

A couple of weeks ago I ordered some new goodies from Sephora.  I've been using them for awhile so I could see what I really thought.  Sometimes I love something right away and then wind up not loving it a week later. I got a Tarina Tarantino Magic Smudge Pen in Smokey Topaz.




I have been wanting a good dark matte shadow that is easy to throw in my purse.  I love my Urban Decay shadows, but sometimes I just want something that's not all glittery.  This one fits the bill.  It definitely has more staying power if I use it with eyeshadow primer.  It lasts all day.  I also like that it looks good enough on it's own that I don't need eyeliner with it.

I also got Smashbox's Wish for the Perfect Primer set.  I was using Too Face's shadow primer which I liked, but I think I like the Smashbox one better....it seems to have more staying power.  I had tried the Smashbox face primer as a sample and loved how it made my face feel.  I don't know if it really reduced my pores, but since I've been using it my skin is clearer. I have been using the pore & line primer as well but again, I don't notice a lot of difference in the size of my pores.  The face primers definitely help keep my face power on all day though.

Milestones

1 year ago today my beautiful niece was born. She has been such a blessing in all of our lives.  I'm so lucky to be her aunt.
5 years ago today I found out I had thyroid cancer. 

Some of the things I've learned since then:
*  I'm stronger than I thought I was.
*  You can't count on everyone you might have thought you could.
*  Some people will surprise you with how they will come through for you.
*  "It's cancer"....These two words can change your life.
*  It's a really good idea to make every effort to mend all of your bridges. This will give you more peace than you imagined.
*  Just because the cancer doesn't kill you doesn't mean you can ignore your health....other things might try to take you out instead if you do.

Did my civic duty!

I voted! It was an interesting experience. While waiting in line to check in to vote, my 8 yr old wanted to know why she couldn't vote and then proceeded to tell me how she voted at school and she said "Remember, I voted for that white guy?!? I wanted him and not Barack Obama." Oh dear...the things they say! So the rest of the experience went like this:

Daughter: Why can't I vote?
Me: Because you are not 18. You have to be 18 to vote. You can vote in 10 years.
Daughter: Am I going to live with you and daddy then? (whining and getting louder) I want to live with you and daddy FOREVER!
Me: Of course you'll live with me and daddy forever. Now just wait here right outside the booth while I vote and daddy should be out soon since he went first.
Daughter: Mom! Are you done yet???

Apparently that "woohoo" was a little premature...

And the other shoe has dropped....sort of. I heard from my doctor yesterday about my blood test results and the next step in this great thyroid/lymph node adventure....and it's not the news I wanted. My thyroglobulin value is between 0 and .2.  I realize that I'm not going to hear a definitive "cancer free" and the best I can hope for is "undetectable". So that's a good result.

However, we are still not sure why my lymph nodes are huge.  So in March, I will repeat the neck ultrasound.  Depending on those results, I may have the thyrogen shots and thyroglobulin (TG) blood test again.

So the good news: my TG value is less than .2 and there won't be any cutting into my neck to get out lymph nodes right now.

The bad news: I had hoped this would be my last round of testing since I'm nearly 5 years out from my surgery and radioactive iodine therapy. At this point, I should be able to go off the yearly protocol. But instead I'm back to testing every 6 months. I feel disappointed, sad and somewhat angry. I want to move on with my life.  I have spent 5 years of my life worrying about cancer and I just want to be done. But I'm not done.  I'm still in limbo. It's still not settled.

I might glow, but my scan didn't

I had my radioactive iodine scan on Friday and before I could even get home, I got the call.  Nothing "lit up" on my scan meaning that there was no evidence of thyroid cells in my body.  WOOOHOOOO! 

Still waiting on thyroglobulin blood test results and a call from my doctor to discuss the next step with my lymph nodes that have been causing trouble.